Practicing Enough?

Well, I havent written in a long while again. Truth be told, I dont write much unless Im inspired, or I have to rant. Right now I have some extra time, so, I guess I'll write.

Since my last entry, about just doing my own readings for myself,I havent made much prgress in the way of astrology and Tarot, although I feel more comfortable with both now. Astrology is starting to pull together for me, I understand the value of houses much better now.

Although I cant tap into astrology as quickly as I sometimes wish I could, I see the potential for understanding and outlining any situation, as well as prediction. The way I see it, you could probably predict fairly exactly what will happen, or define any current situation fairly exactly as well. I know this is possible. The way I've used astrology so far is very loose, I mean, I dont take all aspects into account altogether to form the bigger picture. I use basic transits to help myself gain some insight into what is presently going on for me, but I know I could see me and my situations almost perfectly mirrored if I took the time. I just know this. Do any others have the opinion, or better yet, knowledge and experience of this?

Anyway, in the meantime Im going to keep plugging along.I really dont do enough astrology and Tarot. I should do more. But Im not going to. I dont feel like it. ;) I just do it when I need to.My interest just isnt flamed enough somehow, and Im doing other things at the moment, like playing guitar. Oh well. It will come when Im ready. Or the other way around.

My Journey

When I look for answers, in Tarot books, Astrology books, or from anyone who practices either of these, I get no emotional reassurance. I am left within the prison of my intellectual mind; I hear a little bit more information (I am a Gemini), but I don't come to any conclusions. What to trust? Who or what to turn to? I love Astrology, and I love the Tarot (although I don't have much experience with the latter). But each time I read a book about astrology or Tarot, I don't resonate with the material very much. Rather, I gain a perspective that could help me in the future, but doesn't resonate with my experience of my moment.

I feel its time to start doing my own readings, leaving the books and information and trying to do it for myself. Its time to buy an ephermis, a proper Tarot deck and just do it. I think that would be very exciting. And Im ready. I realize everything all these experienced teachers doesn't mean anything to me, it is a chorus of voices shouting to make the right choices and I cant hear myself above the din. Its just time to start doing my own thing. I have not trusted myself because I thought I was too inexperienced and not good enough. Maybe I was/am(?) too inexperienced. But Im ready to start my own journey in the "Realm of Astrology and Tarot".

Astrological Certificates and The Public Eye

Here is an e-mail I wrote to an aquaintance about astrology.

I see what you say about certificates, but I think what you're really saying is that its dangerous and innappropirate to announce you are a practicing astrologer without years of experience, study and research. I feel that that is important myself. I feel I've learnt alot in the past year, and Astrology is definately sinking in for me, but I know intuitively that I cannot help other people when I dont even know my own chart completely. Im at a point where I keep discovering knew things that interest me, but Im also excited about when I'll be able to use that knowledge and see the wholeness of a chart. And I have alot of difficulty with my own.

While I see the importance of competence on an astrological level, Im a little bit skeptical about certificates. I guess its a good way to be acknowledged by fellow astrologers. But what I dont think would be good is if an organization developed that pushed anyone who didnt have a certificate around. Like Stephen Arroyo says, quality is what we should aim for in the astrological profession. And there are astrologers out there who dont have certificates but have sound astrological experience. Im fairly opposed to certificates actually; I think the reputation should be important. As for the publics misunderstanding of what astrology is really about, I think that stems partly from their resistance to new ideas. There are so many "spiritual" books, organizations, gurus, activities and ideas today that its possible to experience an overload of it. I experienced that myself. Sometimes it feels like too many people spend time thinking about their spiritual goals, instead of living them out. But this is personal experience.

I only meant that astrology falls into this category as well and people have a right to reject too much information. I think it takes time for people to open up to and learn new things, and if, and only if, the public opens its eyes by choice; there could be a very different international outlook on it. But astrology exists without the acknowledgement of todays media, and has alot to offer, of course. I love it!

The Trine

Because Im learning astrology through books and other limited sources (like many others did/do) Im having to discover many things for myself by looking at charts. It takes a very long time for astrology to really "enter the brain", to settle, so that you can use it effectively and not just guess the whole time. In other words, it takes time to learn, like anything else. Today, Im going to be discussing the Trine.

When I first began astrology I learned there were good and bad aspects; easy and difficult. Square is a challenge, trine is easy. Oppositions are still hard for me to grasp. I thought if you have, lets say, Mercury trining Saturn that's invariably good. Or, Jupiter square Venus is difficult, even though they are the "benefics" of astrology. This what I assumed when I began learning astrology, that the positive aspects color the planets positively, the negative negatively.

It also depends on how the native decides to express the individual planets him/herself; he/she can make beneficial choices or negative ones. There are choices to made with everything. For example, you get a baseball for Christmas; you can either play catch with it or throw it at your neighbor's window, or become a professional baseball pitcher. It depends on what you choose to do with it. While we always have choice, aspects show our tendencies. In other words, they show in what directions we instinctively lean in certain situations. Aspects presented in the chart are previews of what happens when certain triggers in our psyches are set off. As we go through life we learn about these triggers and instead of them influencing us involuntarily we can begin to use them in positive ways, and learn about who we are. This is a very enlightening experience.

So, back on track, and the point Im want to make about the Trine. What I eventually realized is that it depends on which planets are involved in the aspects. Lets take a look.

Trine: Shows the line of least resistance, things that connect so easily that we take their it for granted. It describes the easy way out. It also describes talents because of the ease in which two planets work with one another.

So, when two planets are trining one another, what does that mean? Lets take the Sun and Saturn for example. The Sun represents ego, where we want to shine and be recognized for who we are, who we love to be! Saturn represents our fears, limitations, boundaries, contact with authority, responsibility, etc, etc, etc. So, when these two planets trine one another, the energy isn't necessarily going to be positive! Because, the relationship connects these two together, meaning they function as a pair. And, since Saturn represents your fears, limitations, boundaries, etc, etc, etc; this means that when the native is expressing his ego self, it will also lead to his Saturnine energy, which is not easy to deal with. So, therefore, this trine is more of a difficulty because Saturn is involved. See?

I write this article now because I had to figure this out for myself. I don't know how much relevance this has for others, but I want to say that is important, when one is learning astrology, for people to collect their own experiences of what astrology is about. I believe that at a fundamental level what is stated by one person can be recognized by another, and that it also depends in what context an astrologer is talking. It takes years to refine exactly what each aspect means. A long time. Read about astrology, but collect your own experiences as well.>

The Friendly Face of Astrology.... And then me complaining.

Well, I'm starving for contact with other astrologers. I'm going crazy. Today I finally found a place where I could go to meet one. (I'm in Germany right now, Freiburg.) I go there. I ring. Go through the simple entrance and talk for about 5 seconds with some friendly guy who immediately called the "main astrologer" there. Boy was I excited, finally someone who would listen to me and my interests and tell me to keep at it. A real astrologer folks!

So... out he comes. I had already seen this guy in the internet on his website. I was excited, he looked friendly. So he takes me into the other office where I think we're going to have a nice chat. Oh man, then he started talking. Thrusting a couple of folders into my hand he fired away describing me the course he offered and what he thought about astrology and whether people are gifted or not for it...

Here's what it sounded like.

"But you should see if you have a gift for it first before you start"Him.

"Well, I think that astro-" Me, barely getting a word out.

"And you can do my course around the world, that's the great thing about it!" Him, cutting in.

"Well what I really wanted to say was that I want to get in contact with other astrologers-" Me.

"Ya, you can find tons of contacts in the internet" Him. Hidden message:"Are you gonna buy my course or just complain about your feelings? My courses don't involve feelings and I don't know what they are."

"Ok, well thank you" Me. Dumbfounded and disappointed.

"Hey, no problem! Ok, bye!" Him. Pushing me out the door.

He could have said,"If you have questions about astrology we could meet later, right now I'm really busy." No. Man, that hurt my feelings so much. I'm just trying to reach out.

I was just surprised how this guy acted towards me because I know astrologers are a rare species and therefore, I imagine, friendly with one another. Its so hard to find other astrologers. I am having a Venus transit opposing my natal Pluto today and Jupiter is conjuncting my natal Pluto as well. What's that supposed to mean? It didn't seem good to me. I have Pluto in the third house. The third house is important to me because I am a Gemini. I like to get deep into things (I know, I know, sometimes looking for hidden motivations when there is nothing really there), I think about them allot and take them seriously. I don't know what Venus opposite Pluto means. I think Jupiter says..... whatever.

I've just been starved for contact with others lately. My girlfriend is gone away, I'm left here for 6 days. It sucks. I literally felt the black hole opening up when she left, as if a huge part of myself was ripped from my body itself. And then I try and reach out to this astrologer guy, and this shit happens? Man. I've been hanging out with a couple of friends, something I haven't done in a long time, but when I come home I feel empty. Just totally empty. I've been feeling like this for ages and I haven't found anyone who I can really share my feelings with. Its like there's some invisible barrier that keeps me from reaching other people, and them me. I hate it. Does it have to do with Pluto? I look to astrology but I don't find any answers. Its empty like the rest... Can anyone tie this up for me, send me some info about Pluto?

Cyber Astrology: The Next Generation

I've been searching the web lately for good astrology articles and all I find is junk. It amazes me to see how many web pages claim that they know your spiritual destiny and that you should join them on their "spiritual quest" to becoming who your real self is. What I see is just a bunch of people deluding themselves and pretending they feel so great when they act all spiritual. Have you asked yourself what spirituality means to you? Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you! I don’t know! Those stupid websites just disgust me, I envision slimy perverts who "keep their image clean" by acting all great and telling people how to find their life-path because they don’t have their own. And what's more, they put this stuff on the web! I hate it! I want to read some good astrology articles, not fill my head with unnecessary fake info. Cyber Astrology: experience your destiny .... through a computer monitor! I haven’t experienced any real high spiritualism. I've experienced real heart rending emotions in my life, and good feelings too. That is real, that's where I find my base, my truth. I know when I've had an amazing experience, because I feel it in my body, I feel it in my heart. Does anyone know where I can find some good articles? Please tell me!!!

Rant, rant, rant. Done.

Moon and Neptune: Good Bedfellows

For the past couple of years, I've been getting more and more tired. My energy is just at an all time low. I cant seem to get enough sleep, and when I do want to sleep I feel it would be more like the kiss of death than a proper restorative slumber. Im having a Neptune transit.

As a student of astrology I've been trying my hand at transits, and I noticed Neptune in Aquarius squaring my Moon in Taurus. Now, I think that Moon in Taurus is in itself slow enough, but squaring Neptune just seems to be sapping my energy; making me evn slower. I read an article at April Elliot Kent's website about Neptune (and I would do the justice here of making a link there directly if I could, but I couldnt find it. Check out the website anyway, its good). Here I felt reassured about my idea of Neptune being the kind of energy that pulls you down into lethargy, as written in the wonderful article by April that I cant find. She described a certain Neptune transit she was experiencing, and how she also felt like napping all the time. Hard Neptune transits are not "effective" in the sense that you get very much work done. Take the time to escape! Right now I should be doing English home work, but is Neptune in Aquarius plunging me into the Ocean of Astrology? Is that possible? All I feel like doing all day is Astrology and Tarot, and I've been feeling like that for a looooong while. This transit stretches out because Neptune, as one of the outer planets, is soooo slow. SOOO bloody slow!!!

I also did some extra reserch into some other charts, and I think that any hard aspetcs to the Moon by Neptune indicates a person who may struggle with lack of energy. My father has Neptune opposing his Moon in Aries and he has to watch that he gets at least one nap in the day, then he's alright. Otherwise, he gets cranky. His partner has a Grand Square with her Moon at one corner squaring Neptune at the other corner in the 12th house. The Moon and Neptune make good bed-buddies.

But where does this need for so much sleep come from? Neptune is a collective planet, symbolizing the dreams of the generation, the ideals, and the delusions. What does a hard aspect to the Moon by Neptune symbolize exactly? Balance bewteen two forces, personal and collective. The Moon is a personal planet, it describes your individual needs, your own sphere of unconciousness. But Neptune forces you to really melt down and have dreams and fantastic experiences. Since Im not into drinking or any other drugs I guess sleep falls under that. And in the last while I have been dreaming allot. Lately I've been half awake while I sleep and dreaming all sorts of stuff.

Tarot for Blog?

I actually did a little bit of a Tarot consultation for making this Blog. I was a bit nervous about making it; I didn’t know how it would turn out and what people would think about it. Looking for some insight, I turned to Tarot. So far, my experiences with Tarot have been much more, how shall I put it, confirming of my feelings. I relate to it much quicker, whereas with Astrology I have to work for about an hour until I can get myself into the "Astrology mood" so to say. I’m really amazed at the different results I've gotten out of the two of them. Anyways, here is the layout I got.

(See under this link: photo-origin.tickle.com/image/87/9/1/O/87918352O780094895.jpg)

Anyway, after having spent half my time on getting this picture to work, there it is. Geez it took so long. I’m actually in Germany at the moment and just starting Tarot. So I've been using the Crowley Tarot deck, I don’t know if anyone knows about it, and the interpretation book is in German. The card layout is one I got in the back of the book; simple and quick. I like it. I didn’t really ask a specific question, I just asked for some insight. So....

Position 1: The current situation I’m looking at: Here lay DEFEAT, 5 swords. Not very promising for a reading eh? This basically said to me that I was "scared of failure", in the sense that I was worried what people would think of this. This was totally true.

Position 2: What am I open for? Here was INDOLENCE, a word I don’t understand completely! Keywords connected to the card: Laziness, emotional blockage and unclarity. Naturally I wasn’t open to these things and I didn’t want them!!! What was also described was a kind of "bottomless well" where I put forward, but didn’t get anything back; no input, no reassurance, both in an emotinal sense. I totally resonated with that. I need input (hint hint)!!!

Position 3: How/what am I being/showing? Here was the FOOL, the ultimate blank sheet upon which I could paint my work. Not knowing and not being afraid. Just trying. (I love that card, maybe you can tell.) Just getting out there.

Position 4: The result: VICTORY!!! I’m really sorry for lack of deeper interpretation, but that's pretty clear I think. Telling me not to worry; and that the fruits of my labours will come to being. Thank, YOU!!!

So, basically, this reading told me I was scared of failure (true) and scared of losing energy into a bottomless pit (true). But, I would play the fool (true again....) and come to Victory (we'll have to wait and see about that one). And so, I just did it. And, its slowly coming along. What do you think?

There's always a first time.... INTRODUCTION

So, this is the first post of my new site. My name is Alexander Banman. I’m 17 years old, and stationed in Freiburg at the moment, at my girlfriends house.

I started teaching myself Astrology in June, 2005. That's about a year ago now. I started by.... how did I really start???? I guess I just started hemming around in books... Ahhh!!! I picked up a book at the bookstore called "What Astrology Can do for You", and read fervently through it, just trying to get a basic grasp of the astrological language. I guess I got a really basic picture, and I must thank Stephanie J. Clement for her literature. Although the book is quite small, it really sums up what astrology is about, and I would recommend it to any beginners. It’s much better for the learner than advanced books that go straight into interpretation. I really needed just to learn the basics. Since then I've been blundering my way through other books and still just trying to get the distilled essences of all the Signs, Planets and Houses. I’m a Gemini, and I seem to manage to confuse myself allot, so I actually feel like I lose what I've learned sometimes. Luckily I’m a Taurus Moon, which keeps everything from bursting at the seams. I have lots of planets in Gemini.

Alright, enough blabbering. I’m sure you came to this site to read something good about Astrology or Tarot, and I intend to write some articles. I’m NOT a professional yet, feedback is totally welcome. In fact, I need it. Badly. Thank's!!!